As a guest speaker of the Canadian Association of Hepatology Nurses at the Canadian Digestive Disease week in lovely Banff, Alberta, I was graciously give a room at the Fairmont Banff Springs hotel. I have been here once before...we pulled up outside one of the back entrances and took some lovely pictures of my husband' scar, implying that we either lived or stayed in a castle all the time! Alas, that is woefully untrue.
As I was approaching the hotel, my GPS Kept "recalculating" in the damn snotty voice as if to tell me,"hone, you don't belong up here"! Well, screw her...I finally found the correct driveway and pulled up to the front gate when the first attendant asked if I was checking in. Apparently, bitchy GOS lady had sent him a message saying lost woman coming up the drive and that he should send me elsewhere....cuz, why else would you drive up to the reception area of a hotel.... See, that's the first pay grade mistake....this is a conference place as well, so lots of people probably are here to attend something and just need directions to parking.
I pulled up into my assigned spot on the curve so Michael could assist me. He greeted me by name, no damn it, I am NOT famous here, the first dude had called up on the radio and told him. Mike was standing at a very odd place, sort of behind my shoulder while telling me what to do next (get out of the car and register you idiot). It took a couple of minutes to figure out he was trying in vain to open my car door while remaining unobtrusive. Ha! I had just driven through....gasp....Calgary....my doors were locked!
Mike wants to take my luggage for me and have it sent up to my room. Do you think this is the first time two disposable hospital laundry bags full of lunch bags stuffed with pens, band aids and fudge, have been unloaded at the front gate? Because I am travelling onwards after tonight, only a portion of the luggage in my trunk was coming in with me, so I told him only those two bags. Now he thinks, besides needing a lot of lunch, I also don't have any clean underwear!
The lobby is quite impressive, all stone and high ceilings to look like a castle...looking nothing like real castles in England look of course, but doing a passable imitation of one who most definitely
will be unable to defend itself from zombie apocalypse. There is only one line to stand in, and it is
labelled,"President's Club", pretty sure the cheapest room of the night does NOT qualify me for that, but I don't see a line labelled, "Peon's Club" so I join up. The lovely ladies checking me in, as well as the two attendants all wanted to know where I've come from today....cuz, you know, Edmonton is such an exciting place.
When I booked, because I chose the cheapest room, it says right in the description, "lower floor, away from the elevators". To be fair, I was given the opportunity to upgrade to a higher floor for more $, but, why,so the elevator can take longer? So I can see the mountains better! I don't think so. My room was on the "19th" floor. Um..... This hotel doesn't look quite that high.... Sure enough, I am in a wing, in a corner as far from the main desk as you can be. And although I am on the top floor of the building, the bottom floor (ground level) is 16. Hmmm, they count funny here...
My room is guide nice, including a dish for my dog with a bottle of water and a cookie. People
have to drink out of the sink, but dogs get bottled water! I ate the cookie.....ok, not really, but my dog is going to get a present now!
I was meeting a group of friends on the second floor of (I thought) the conference room, but nope...the entire other end of the hotel. The hotel may look like a castle, but doesn't have enough serfs hanging around for good directions. When I finally spied one with a name badge, I politely started with, "Do you work here?"...I am, after all at a convention. Her answer was, "Why? Are you security?" Not sure if a) I was a secret shopper trying to check up on her, in which case, rudeness would have made that a fail or b) even in my nice clothes I don't look like I belong? Like the newly promoted secret service agent in a cheap suit? Whatever. I eventually found the right placem where there was a lot of free booze, but only a tiny bit of free food. One glass of champagne and some mouldy cheese later...... Oh, I mean expensive, mouldy on purpose cheese of course!
This morning I used the indoor and outdoor hot tubs, because...hello...outdoor hot tub in the winter in the mountain is really cool. The change room was fancy! They even had push button hair gel dispensers and combs waiting in barber disinfectant for you to use. No straightener though, which
seems to be a requirement for mostly every one but me.... I passed on the combs, in case it was just blue toilet water masquerading as disinfectant. This is not a good week to have all my hair fall out.
Off to breakfast!
Sorry, I am unable to upload pictures, but will add them in later when I can.
