I got upgraded to the exit row again and this time the middle seat was empty...until about 1 minute before the door closed, when an employee of the airline grabbed the seat. Two minutes later she was given a seat in first class and things looked great. Darn it, I knew it was too good to last.
They moved a woman from the back up into the middle seat. She sits down and asks Azziz in the window seat and myself if we mind her eating a hamburger. Azziz immediately informs us he's high so he doesn't mind. Hmmmm, is Colorado one of those liberal drug use states? Well, right away Jenna let him know she was almost drunk. By the way, Jenna lost any idea of what an "inside voice" is.
Jenna proceeds to open her dinner package with a gigantic burger and a boat load of fries. Waves it about (literally) while discussing how sorry she is it has onions, for about three minutes before deciding she's not actually hungry. At this point she rings for the flight attendant. We haven't even left the gate and she wants a drink.
Through the two hour and 11 minute flight- Jenna relayed she's a home care nurse, she's done cocaine on numerous occasions, it's not good to do coke when you're hungry, we need more liberalized pot laws, what the pot laws are in California, how to drink on the beach without getting caught, what your chances are of getting checked for alcohol on the beach during spring break and various other less than appropriate airplane conversation topics.
I went to the bathroom at one point and I could hear her clearly eleven rows back. Btw- it was 11 o'clock at night and a fair number of people were trying to sleep. Jenna even clearly read my mind at one point when she told Azziz I wished she'd buy a movie and shut up for the rest of the flight.The flight attendant shushed her once, that was for swearing. I guess you can be as loud as you want as long as you don't curse.
Azziz is from Kuwait (which Jenna knew was in the middle east but did not know they are a rich country due to oil profits), he was raised a Muslim but no longer practices. He has four younger sisters who are all still in Kuwait. Azzizm has never heard of Mary Poppins and doesn't know what "supercalifragilisticexpialidocous" is. Jenna tried to sing the song for him, but she only knows the title word, so that didn't go over very well.
The big question for a while, sparking a heated debate, "Is Turkey in Europe or Asia"? Jenna said it was in the middle east, which is neither Europe or Asia. Some guy she knew fought with her saying Turkey is in Europe because he googled "map of Europe" and Turkey was on it. She discounted that as valid proof because...are you ready....when you look at a map of the United States, Canada and Mexico are on it too. Hmmm, wonder if she knows the difference between a country and a continent?
Despite having just met on the plane, they played a round of tonsil hockey after which she told him his kiss was soft and slightly slobbery. He thanked her for the compliment, she bluntly told him it wasn't a compliment.
The plane got to San Diego early (saving me at least ten minutes of further torture. Azzizm was out of there like a bullet leaving Jenna well behind him...
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
Scandal on the Airplane?
Am on a little trip for a work conference and am going to San Diego, where it is currently about 37 degrees C warmer than my house.
Breezed through US customs, the airport is much less busy at 2 pm than at 6 am Saturday morning. Only one screening line (didn't have to go through the CT scan booth) but 4 US customs agents on duty so there was NO lineup.
After my last experience at the airport, where I discovered the hard way that 1 L of water costs $5.42, I got smart and brought Subway and a bottle to fill with water. I was smugly eating my lunch and moved onto some rice cakes I packed, only to realize the (seemed minor at the time) suitcase rollover in the bathroom had turned my cakes into confetti. Ever tried to eat plain rice confetti? The fluff was everywhere. My shirt started out black and by the time I finished my bag 'o fluff, it looked like I had the worst case of dandruff ever - worse than Big Foot - (he probably has dandruff - having no Head and Shoulders shampoo). I was kind enough to do the wet dog shake over top of the garbage can before I boarded. Now the trash can looks like it was hit by a mini snow storm!
I got "upgraded" to the exit row! Super bonus with lots of leg room. My short legs didn't even reach under the chair in front of me. A lovely same gender couple sat a few rows behind me - they even had matching jewelly! In fact I think they got a bit carried away with trying to look like each other - had they not been holding hands I would have assumed they were twins!
Onto the possibly scandalous part!....a couple sat next to me. I'll call her Angelina and him Brad...Angelina was quite enamored with Brad, taking a selfie of the two of them as soon as we sat down and posting it as her profile picture on FB. Throughout the flight Angelina kept her arm linked through Brad's -nothing special so far right? A couple on their way to vacation. But then my spidey senses started tingling. They talked about odd things like which days he had taken off work and when their shift schedules would match up, they talked about which actresses he found appealing, and where he grew up. He asked if he could put his can of pop on her tray. Simple things that after 22 years of marriage, I already know about the guy I sleep with. Then he asked her about tagging Facebook pictures, did she tag him, and who would see it? She rushed to clarify she hadn't tagged him, and none of his friends would see it....hmmmm......I totally got the vibe they're sleeping together, they know each other from work and he doesn't want anyone to know they are away together...hmmmm...no rings on either of them (no ring tan lines either - but it's winter in Edmonton, so none expected). I saw them after we got off the plane, sharing a pretzel (which is not a euphemism for tonsil hockey, but an actual pretzel).
I am off to walk around the airport and will let you know if I see them again...or anyone else that might be involved in some nefarious doings!
Breezed through US customs, the airport is much less busy at 2 pm than at 6 am Saturday morning. Only one screening line (didn't have to go through the CT scan booth) but 4 US customs agents on duty so there was NO lineup.
After my last experience at the airport, where I discovered the hard way that 1 L of water costs $5.42, I got smart and brought Subway and a bottle to fill with water. I was smugly eating my lunch and moved onto some rice cakes I packed, only to realize the (seemed minor at the time) suitcase rollover in the bathroom had turned my cakes into confetti. Ever tried to eat plain rice confetti? The fluff was everywhere. My shirt started out black and by the time I finished my bag 'o fluff, it looked like I had the worst case of dandruff ever - worse than Big Foot - (he probably has dandruff - having no Head and Shoulders shampoo). I was kind enough to do the wet dog shake over top of the garbage can before I boarded. Now the trash can looks like it was hit by a mini snow storm!
I got "upgraded" to the exit row! Super bonus with lots of leg room. My short legs didn't even reach under the chair in front of me. A lovely same gender couple sat a few rows behind me - they even had matching jewelly! In fact I think they got a bit carried away with trying to look like each other - had they not been holding hands I would have assumed they were twins!
Onto the possibly scandalous part!....a couple sat next to me. I'll call her Angelina and him Brad...Angelina was quite enamored with Brad, taking a selfie of the two of them as soon as we sat down and posting it as her profile picture on FB. Throughout the flight Angelina kept her arm linked through Brad's -nothing special so far right? A couple on their way to vacation. But then my spidey senses started tingling. They talked about odd things like which days he had taken off work and when their shift schedules would match up, they talked about which actresses he found appealing, and where he grew up. He asked if he could put his can of pop on her tray. Simple things that after 22 years of marriage, I already know about the guy I sleep with. Then he asked her about tagging Facebook pictures, did she tag him, and who would see it? She rushed to clarify she hadn't tagged him, and none of his friends would see it....hmmmm......I totally got the vibe they're sleeping together, they know each other from work and he doesn't want anyone to know they are away together...hmmmm...no rings on either of them (no ring tan lines either - but it's winter in Edmonton, so none expected). I saw them after we got off the plane, sharing a pretzel (which is not a euphemism for tonsil hockey, but an actual pretzel).
I am off to walk around the airport and will let you know if I see them again...or anyone else that might be involved in some nefarious doings!
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